Still Here

I promise, I still watch TV, but it seems to be concentrated in to the soap hour (two hours?) of early evenings and followed by however many episodes of 'Friends' E4 cares to throw at me.

It's not that I don't want to watch the Great British Food Fight - I did try but I got bored of Heston and all this talk of having good food at 'Little Chef', the whole premise just didn't sit well with me, IT'S A SERVICE STATION. People will stop by when they want food and that is the nearest place...surely?

I watched latest Oz and James scenario, bit of ale, bit of Yorkshire wine, a caravan, complaining, drunken train journeys, all fine.

BUT what has been really great is 'Plus One' that bizarre new comedy about some bloke's ex-girlfriend going out with Duncan from Blue. The best part is that, in the first episode when the dumped bloke was dreaming up a James Bond scenario he referred to Duncan as 'Fromblue' as though it were his last name. That was a wonderful litttle insert.

Generally it's brilliant for it's poor loser generally unheroic hero who gets himself into all sorts of scrapes and situations in order to find himself a date for the big Fromblue wedding. He tries to run a charity race but fails miserably at cheating, getting his shoes stolen and being accused of being a peadophile. Then, after his troubles, he is almost celebrated for raising the most money (the bulk of which he donated himself) and Fromblue goes ahead and trumps him again. Damn you Blue.

It's hilarious and ridiculous in the way the Inbetweeners was only this time it's straight to Friday night Channel 4....nice.

And if that wasn't all, Skins is back! I don't care about the new 90210 because I've got Bristol rich kids whose immorality is never disguised by 'issues', or at least, any issues are easily ignored as we watch SEX, DRUGS, ROCK N ROLL, FIRE, EXPLOSIONS, FRIGHTENED TEACHERS, BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE!! I was a bit wary of leaving the old cast behind, one of them now a Slumdog Millionaire and another probably not, having peaked with 'About a Boy', but the episode was as fast-paced and engaging as ever. Always ridiculous, the assembly scene in school was rather irritating but then I suppose it has to be. Enfield made a good appearance and I hope we see more high-end comedy parents. That's the other trouble with a new cast, you've got to bring in new parents and they've got a lot to compete with. Series 2 really saw them get their screen time, Enfield lead the way for Josie Lawrence and others who I've forgotten but definitely love. Not to mention Danny Dyer beind in series 1, nice one Danny.

I'm a bit miffed as to why the teachers had to change as well and why the hell that woman ever did become a post-16 educator if she's so timid. Pandora is obviously the star, she's kind of like a character Katy Brand might have created, young and loose in a whole other show...you see, I can watch ITV sometimes.

My main love affair has been slightly off-telly though still valid due to the triple bills on Channel 5 over the Christmas period: 30 Rock - I was a bit late with this one, my sister made me watch it on the plane to Japan but I'm glad she did. It's fantastic and though when described is frighteningly derivative of the classic Larry Sanders Show, and yes, there are episodes which draw on similar themes (product placement for one) but it also marks an ode as Rip Torn makes his occasional appearance as the big GE Capital boss.

Alec Baldwin is nothing but genius from start to finish, his 'making-of' info-mercial video being a personal highlight; but even the one-liners - "never go with a hippy to a second location" being my new motto for life. Tin Fey is nothing but wonderful and when I watched 'Mean Girls' recently I got extra excited, which is hard to do when watching 'Mean Girls' because it is cinematic gold.

Tracey is at his best when his entourage are around and Frank definitely gets some of the best lines. His droopy face is enough of a picture though.

In so many ways I simply cannot fault this show, each character so perfectly formed and of course Tin Fey's Liz Lemon does hold it together so well. I love the fact that she's a loser and references Star Wars constantly and eats too much takeaway - in fact - eats too much. She wins as my hero for all the things Jack might want to change about her. I also love their friendship, it's such an endearing and heartfelt one, beneath the comedy I genuinely feel the love....

Oh TV, so good to me.

Plus the new Specsavers advert with the pairs of eyes working out....BRILLIANT!

Advertising Standards? What?

THIS is probably the most ridiculous news story I've ever read.

The story refers to a mayonaise advert. As I began reading it I wasn't sure if I'd seen the ad before, I couldn't even tell if it had been made in this country. The distinction of it as a 'men sharing a kiss' completely threw me. Even I felt shocked, though mostly impressed. I thought to myself, wow, what progress, what a campaign, how was it used? Was it a natural, home situation style ad which used a gay couple instead of a straight one?

No, is the answer to that. Not at all. I had seen this advert and never in my life would I have considered it, or recalled it as two men kissing, because of the set up of the ad. The article, excrutiatingly objective as it was got me so outraged I stopped reading and began writing this. Thankfully, I see they put forward the full synopsis but, why not tell the story like it is? These people who complained, who were offended, who protested that: "the ad was "unsuitable to be seen by children" and that it raised the difficult problem of parents having to discuss the issue of same-sex relationships with younger viewers" are utterly repressed, buttoned-up morons.

WHAT PROBLEM? I'm certain that there are PG comedy films with two men in hilarious predicaments due to mistaken identity, I can't think of an example, but I'm sure anyone can imagine a scenario. I've got 'Planes, Trains and Automobiles' in my head, which I'm sure I saw as a young child (thought I can't be sure of its rating), whereby John Candy and Steve Martin are forced to sleep in the same bed and end up spooning by the morning. This is all for the sake of light entertainment.

The situation in the advert is hardly different, if a child was paying any attention I'm sure they'd have got the jist of it. A man in an apron is making the kids lunches, he's a big New Yorker, alluding to the fact that he might run a Deli. Queue the kids, taking their lunches in which he has used this 'Deli-style' mayonaise. THEY CALL HIM 'MUM'. They all, quite clearly do this so as to make the representation crystal clear. The use of situation comedy comes with the classic line as the husband goes to leave: 'aren't you forgetting something' with a gesture to the lips. This isn't an unrecognisable scenario to any of today's media-junkie youth. There is no need to explain the possibilities of same-sex relationships because it quite clearly isn't advocating any.

I just can't believe I continue to be surprised by the British public's pathetic reaction to just about anything. I'm sure the majority of people would not have batted any eyelid, would never have seen it as a 'gay kiss' and would have laughed, because it's a funny advert. And what of it, if there was the representation of a gay relationship on a British advertisement people ought to welcome it. Children should be informed early, just as they're informed about anything else. It is undeniable that homosexuality exists.

Our society, I thought, was finally beginning to accept it, but it's not good enough. The media is constantly bombarding us with homogenised images, heterosexual relationships, families and the like. It may well be that heterosexuality does represent the majority of people but there are instances in advertising where a better representation of the general population could well be addressed. For example, Wrigley's 'Extra', their current 'get closer' campaign, both as a regular ad and a Hollyoaks sponsor, involves various young, beautiful heterosexuals, 'getting closer' to each other. In an ad, you see numerous people getting together, in a big room, why not shove in some same-sex couples in the pack. Out of all those people, in that enormous room, are you telling me that not one of them is gay? Or even curious? I find that hard to believe.

This truly needs to stop now, the sooner they just let it out into the open, the sooner they won't think children need protecting anymore. You can't stop them from seeing it in the street can you? This is real and this happens and I daresay there is nothing wrong with it. People continue to make it wrong, make it outrageous and offensive. Why not call all pre-watershed bouts of affection offensive? Because I'd say it is, why ban one kiss when you can ban them all? Let's be completely oppressed, let's ensure that no women are ever seen with men unless they're married, oh and let's just mark out a strict 'zone' surrounding each indiviudal whereby no two people can cross.

I don't even know why I've gone on to discussing geniune gay relationships or kissing in the first place, because frankly this advert doesn't warrant that discussion, it has nothing to do with homosexuality at all. It's so separate from that that I'm actually outraged at myself for daring put the two together.

Halifax Advert

Now it goes without comment that the Halifax adverts with that incessant man and his singing cronies are among the worst ever created. The fact that he's got a waxwork at Madam Toussauds says more about the sheer idiocy of this country and the individuals who are celebrated than the advertising industry's ability to provide us with decent, non-flicking, non-toilet breaking, non-tea making commercials for our viewing pleasure. I mean I don't expect Guiness-style epic spectaculars from a simple bank like Halifax but please, would you stop covering well-known, usually god-awful, pop songs and changing the lyrics in order to make them about loans or savings accounts.

The only advert that was worth saving was pre-annoying man whose name I'm glad to say, I have completely forgotten. It involved a jolly chubby fellow who sang 'Who Gives You Extra' (instead of 'Who Let the Dogs Out' and, though still ridiculous it had it's own slice of perfection with his brilliant momentary wiggle at the end.

Now, that was way back in the early part of this millennium. Now, unfortunately, we've been subjected to more and more and more songs, more idiots singing idiotic songs and the only form of progression is trying to surpass every expectation by choose the most annoying song and creating the most annoying advert. It's got candles being waved around, a deeply disturbing 'Titanic' moment and it lasts far far too long as far as adverts tend to go.

Why is it that the best ones get cut short really quickly and the worst seem to get longer instead?