Still Here

I promise, I still watch TV, but it seems to be concentrated in to the soap hour (two hours?) of early evenings and followed by however many episodes of 'Friends' E4 cares to throw at me.

It's not that I don't want to watch the Great British Food Fight - I did try but I got bored of Heston and all this talk of having good food at 'Little Chef', the whole premise just didn't sit well with me, IT'S A SERVICE STATION. People will stop by when they want food and that is the nearest place...surely?

I watched latest Oz and James scenario, bit of ale, bit of Yorkshire wine, a caravan, complaining, drunken train journeys, all fine.

BUT what has been really great is 'Plus One' that bizarre new comedy about some bloke's ex-girlfriend going out with Duncan from Blue. The best part is that, in the first episode when the dumped bloke was dreaming up a James Bond scenario he referred to Duncan as 'Fromblue' as though it were his last name. That was a wonderful litttle insert.

Generally it's brilliant for it's poor loser generally unheroic hero who gets himself into all sorts of scrapes and situations in order to find himself a date for the big Fromblue wedding. He tries to run a charity race but fails miserably at cheating, getting his shoes stolen and being accused of being a peadophile. Then, after his troubles, he is almost celebrated for raising the most money (the bulk of which he donated himself) and Fromblue goes ahead and trumps him again. Damn you Blue.

It's hilarious and ridiculous in the way the Inbetweeners was only this time it's straight to Friday night Channel 4....nice.

And if that wasn't all, Skins is back! I don't care about the new 90210 because I've got Bristol rich kids whose immorality is never disguised by 'issues', or at least, any issues are easily ignored as we watch SEX, DRUGS, ROCK N ROLL, FIRE, EXPLOSIONS, FRIGHTENED TEACHERS, BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE!! I was a bit wary of leaving the old cast behind, one of them now a Slumdog Millionaire and another probably not, having peaked with 'About a Boy', but the episode was as fast-paced and engaging as ever. Always ridiculous, the assembly scene in school was rather irritating but then I suppose it has to be. Enfield made a good appearance and I hope we see more high-end comedy parents. That's the other trouble with a new cast, you've got to bring in new parents and they've got a lot to compete with. Series 2 really saw them get their screen time, Enfield lead the way for Josie Lawrence and others who I've forgotten but definitely love. Not to mention Danny Dyer beind in series 1, nice one Danny.

I'm a bit miffed as to why the teachers had to change as well and why the hell that woman ever did become a post-16 educator if she's so timid. Pandora is obviously the star, she's kind of like a character Katy Brand might have created, young and loose in a whole other show...you see, I can watch ITV sometimes.

My main love affair has been slightly off-telly though still valid due to the triple bills on Channel 5 over the Christmas period: 30 Rock - I was a bit late with this one, my sister made me watch it on the plane to Japan but I'm glad she did. It's fantastic and though when described is frighteningly derivative of the classic Larry Sanders Show, and yes, there are episodes which draw on similar themes (product placement for one) but it also marks an ode as Rip Torn makes his occasional appearance as the big GE Capital boss.

Alec Baldwin is nothing but genius from start to finish, his 'making-of' info-mercial video being a personal highlight; but even the one-liners - "never go with a hippy to a second location" being my new motto for life. Tin Fey is nothing but wonderful and when I watched 'Mean Girls' recently I got extra excited, which is hard to do when watching 'Mean Girls' because it is cinematic gold.

Tracey is at his best when his entourage are around and Frank definitely gets some of the best lines. His droopy face is enough of a picture though.

In so many ways I simply cannot fault this show, each character so perfectly formed and of course Tin Fey's Liz Lemon does hold it together so well. I love the fact that she's a loser and references Star Wars constantly and eats too much takeaway - in fact - eats too much. She wins as my hero for all the things Jack might want to change about her. I also love their friendship, it's such an endearing and heartfelt one, beneath the comedy I genuinely feel the love....

Oh TV, so good to me.

Plus the new Specsavers advert with the pairs of eyes working out....BRILLIANT!

Today's 3MW

I can't avoid Channel 4 for long and the '3 Minute Wonder' this evening was definitely worth a mention. It documented an Iraqi man in America, discussing the election and his experience.

He had run a successful restaurant business in Baghdad; he left for America and, because the restaurant trade is what he knows; began a new business there. He had an interesting, American melting-pot style view of his immigration. He stated that once you move to America you become American. He appreciated the freedoms, his freedom to vote Democrat or Republican, to walk down one street or another, to live and be as he pleases.

He was voting for McCain; he explained that Obama was neither to the far left nor McCain to the far right. In his eyes both were in the middle and he chose the middle-right mainly, by the looks of it for Palin bizarrely.

He also, rather interestingly spoke of how he'd prefer it if a woman was in charge, stating that if women were in charge there would be less violence as men as driven by it. That was a surprise, though he went on to talk about how they should look good too which was quite degrading and gave a sour edge to his earlier statement.

Still, I found it an incredibly interested and unpredictable depiction of an Iraqi living in America. Obviously, he's settled and has been there a while but he was a fascinating subject. It's a shame it only gets three minutes.

Dead Set 3 and 4

I'll admit, things were starting to bother me yesterday; not only the fact that zombies can run (in spite of the whole 'different types' argument - in a conversation today my friend pointed out that in 28 Days Later the running is explained by 'Rage' - in Dead Set there is no explanation as to why this whole outbreak has even happened) but my personal rage was getting further than that. I accepted the lady with the big rifle - which she might have plausably found in the country somewhere - as being some kind of Charlie Brooker fantasy woman; angry and ready to kill. However, last night we had BIG GUNS.

The police seemed to be carrying enormous machine gun things which seemed completely ridiculous. Do the police even carry guns in this country? I know there are special armed police - aren't they the ones who drive red cars? Isn't that the rule? Or is it just an urban myth? I frankly don't see why all police patrolling should have guns, no one else has a gun, they'd be better off carrying special police knives if they want an even fight with the criminals.

Anyway, this is all besides the point. Whether the police do have guns or not isn't the issue but, KILLING SOMEONE WHO HAS NOT BEEN BITTEN IS. How could they casually just let one of their own die? I know he was a complete moron but the situation surely could have been dissipated without ensuring his immanent death. Not only that but it mean the subsequent killing of his policeman friend. This thus lead to Winstone stealing one gun and the bloke with her the other. This would be fine if they'd had a little struggle trying to work it, but Winstone managed to use one discarded gun instantly in order to shoot the bloke in the leg and cause said immanent death. She seemed to have no problem working it and even less of a problem shooting one of the zombified housemates (the idiot who couldn't get herslelf out of a pool) right in between the eyes. I would have liked a little more trouble with aim please Winstone. I know you're a gangster hero's daughter but none of it is real.

Then the other bloke tonight was exceedingly comfortable with the big machine gun thing; just flapping it about like he was paintballing, ready, aim and fire...perfect every time. Bollocks.

I'm still enjoying it though, just about. I was a little miffed by last night's uninspiring ending, it all seemed a bit too nice. I don't care that Davina was still outside the door or that being trapped in the Big Brother house with a bunch of undead at the gate isn't a perfect situation but it certainly was rather a calm conclusion.

Tonight, in a lot of ways was no less frustrating. A BOAT?! A CANAL?! RIGHT BESIDE THE LOVELY HOUSE YOU FOUND?! How bloody convenient, especially when there's absolutely no way out of the front gate. I'm glad angry woman died otherwise it would have just been too irritating, boy found it very easy to axe her, probably because she was so nasty to him. Still, I don't like the way he's managed to find the Big Brother house already despite getting to it along water, with trees surrounding him (or at least it looks that way - I suppose we'll find out tomorrow).

Once again, the saving grace is always going to be producer and evictee, the greatest comedy duo I've seen for some time, the 'light machine' especially tickled me. Obviously, once they made it into the house after getting past Davina and Brian (stupid as a zombie as well as a human...what was he eating when they got past? idiot) the producers imaginative heckling didn't stop for anybody, nor did his general wanker-stature.

Final episode tomorrow and they've got a plan - will the boyfriend find them? Will they all get out alive? Might the producer finally stop being a cock and see the others as good people through the valuable bonding and relationship-building only achieved through working together to fight for your life? It's unlikely, especially as that evictee really is a foetus.

Day 2 on Dead Set

"Wifi, God knows what that does to your molecules" - the Big Brother answer to how this might have happened.

In fact, I sense a general distaste for technology across the programme: "How do you turn this thing on? (referring to a mobile phone) fucking robot's bollock."

I think I'm going to name my phone Robot Bollock from now on, just like those idiots who claim to call their remote a 'Megatron' (see a few posts back)

Indeed, day two was as magnificent as day 1, namely because the producer cunt was trapped in a room with the latest evictee; whether she is genuinely a complete idiot or not is besides the point (although the little dialogue about 'air' was pretty hilarious) - he thinks she is, therefore she is and subsequently becomes unbearable. With Davina on the hunt just outside the door, there's nowhere to go... and I mean literally, to 'go' and after too much obligatory escapism through the consumption of all available alcohol, evictee ain't best pleased.

Another highlight the boy who got trapped in the train station telling zombies to 'shut it' and then to his solo rescue party "I'm a normalite!". It's just gem after gem.

Of course, there's no point in going through the entire episode blow by blow; but I do wonder (something my flatmate pointed out on Monday) is how and why these zombies can run so bloody fast? I mean they all start running after cars and people with olympian determination. I can't imagine when all these people were alive they could run like that, with that same driven movement in their arms. One even managed to get pretty close to a van; she must have been a marathon runner when she was alive. I had always imagined zombies to be quite slow, and if they can run so fast why are they so incapable of opening doors or climbing over anything? I suppose that would ruin the whole Big Brother angle. I mean the whole point is that they can't get through the fence, crawling and clambering over each other to dog-like whistling and pot clacking. It's a good thing really, I'm certainly considering applying for Big Brother just in case of an apocalypse. Would it work for a nuclear explosion?

They're also lucky, that one of the Big Brother imbociles knows something about medicine; not just a pretty face, obviously. ..

Tune in tonight for more! Where hopefully we'll get to see whether they make it to Tesco before it's too late.

edit: I have just discovered that there are in fact, different types of zombies. Those depicted on Dead Set are a bit more modern than the old 'Night of the Living Dead' types. So, I suppose I'll have to retract the above question because, I was a bit wrong. Although, it still stands that if zombies have evolved since movies of old then could it be that in later incarnations they will be able to get through doors? Or over gates? Or even out of pools?

Dead Set

A show about zombies? The only survivors being in the Big Brother house? Charlie Brooker wrote it? I'm not sure there's anything NOT to like about this concept.

This show no doubt appeals to fans and despisers of Big Brother alike. On the one hand the excellent use of a real eviction night and Davina to 'get Pippa out' and on the other a total mockery and acknowledgement of just how miserable post-apocalyptic life would be if Big Brother house-mates were the sole survivors. Well, them and a couple of TV people though it's arguable whether they're useful (my flatmate would disagree).

I'll admit right now, I don't know a thing about zombie movies; if there were any references, I didn't spot them. Apparently the bit where the runner smashed a zombie over the head with a fire extinguisher was a rip off of 'Irreversible'? I have no idea, anyway who cares! It was amazing!

The gore!
The outrageously disgustingly sickeningly hilarious gore!
The unsentimentality when the runner stabbed the other runner she got fruity with minutes before the 'attack'.
The zombie in a wheelchair?! What?!
Davina zombie! I particularly enjoyed Davina zombie going after that arsehole; was he the producer?

He really was an arsehole, leaving everyone to die as he shut the door on them, what a shit. I like it though; I like that he has survived thus far, it makes it all the more awful. We've got the oblivious Big Brother air-heads and a selfish narcissistic bastard who has absolutely no desire to save anyone but himself at any given moment. Yes, he must live.

Obviously, the runner is a true hero; not only did she stab that guy in the neck with the scissors but once she got in the Big Brother house her fear, her threats and her eventual vomit-inducing repeated smashing the head of a zombie intruder with a fire extinguisher was suitably courageous; if only that had happened on actual Big Brother. I'd be much more inclined to watch that - imagine the headlines!

Though I'm sad that it'll all be over in a week, it's pretty exciting too, give in to the true nature of Big Brother - bombard the audience! Every night! Until we get so sick of these idiots we want to smash their faces in! Except, they might die, so you want to watch, you don't care that it's on every night because it will be really entertaining. Unlike recent Big Brother years...

This is definitely the best thing to happen to Halloween in ages. It's a night almost as pointless and depressing as any other, except you have to dress up in stupid clothes. So, stay in and watch zombies try to destroy the very base of our dispicable society - reality fucking television.

Politics on TV

Jamie Oliver doesn't really do it for me and it has been a while since I've watched one of his bothersome programmes. I cook for myself a lot of the time, try to eat well, yet he still manages to make me feel shit, in some way. There's never any sense of pride when watching Jamie, he just goads and goads. So, last night I watched Griff Rhys Jones getting angry on BBC2. I missed the first episode and I wonder perhaps, if I missed him getting really really enraged? Last night he was reflective, trying to hone his anger with boxing and the like (a little bit like the kids and that ex-con on The Wire).

On a personal level, it was great. It taught me that I'm not as angry as I think I am. I mean, I don't proper lash out at anyone (even though I think about it). I don't have the physical onslaught of anger, the 'seeing red', the boiling up inside. I think, actually, I only ever get angry at myself. I certainly have the insecurity problem of anger. However, I don't direct it at anyone. I'm acutely aware of my low self-esteem, the way I can change it, the things I should be doing, I just don't do it. I get frustrated at myself, I often vent and complain and whine but I'm pretty sure I don't actually get aggressive towards anyone else. Good one me.

Griff however, isn't like that. He gets pissed off, but then, I found it rather amusing and ridiculous when he talked about the way he got angry; the things he got angry about. So petty, for example - the problem with getting to GMTV (or whatever) for 7am only for Ben Fogle to be on the earlier slot and for him to be waiting around until after the news. His story at the group therapy session in LA about some director in a theatre production annoying him because he knew what he was doing, he'd done it before. It all seemed so pathetic. What is there to be annoyed about? He doesn't have to work, sure he probably wants to, and no doubt he works incredibly hard, but as he complained about not having the time for this and that I think: surely Griff, surely you can just quit something? I mean, there are people out there stressed out, on low wage who can barely keep up with daily expenses and children and problems and they are very much entitled to lash out. It's probably those exact people pictured on CCTV lashed and really aggressive. Where do they hone their anger? Except on the streets, on strangers, in booze.

Anger, I think, is culturally dependent. Depending as well, of course, on you as a person and your individual behaviour; whether you're passive aggressive or indeed simply aggressive. Those who are aggressive, I believe in this country are more likely to direct that aggression, as they've got the freedom to be, in some ways. I think, there are a lot of things that happen more in countries like ours because of the freedom and wealth that we have. Even if we're not all that wealthy. It's the notion that we expect so much yet do so little about it, I think, that makes us angry. We expect it all to happen and when it doesn't, when it's a bit hard, we get frustrated. I always go for this theory, with just about everything that is a bit wrong in this country but I do believe it plays a part.

I'd like to compare and contrast anger in different countries, different worlds. Has capitalism helped to make us angry? I wonder.

Jamie got angry, I saw that, because I did watch it in the end, albeit after reading G2 today. The article on class and food was really not a surprise and if anyone read it and was surprised then they obviously live in Jamie's bubble. It has clearly been an issue in all his crusades, in all these health freakouts and not to mention environmental ones. Organic this and that; why do you think all these guys are on Channel 4? People like me watch it; people with money (or parents with money) who have been taught to cook and know good recipes and delicious food and are willing to spend their money on it. Channel 4 is not there for those benefit folk from Rotherham, young mothers with no time or money. Those people that deserve to get angry but probably don't because they've got too many other things to worry about.

It's interesting how G2 referred to the programme as being an important comment on our culture because I'm pretty sure all the other programmes have alluded to the same issue; You Are What You Eat for one. Didn't that constantly demonstrate the type of people facing this food/class struggle?

It's funny, thinking we live in a classless society when clearly it's there in red, been there all along, it's on Wife Swap and all those other Channel 4 reality/documentary crossover shows. This is not new, this is simply giving the issue its worth.

Yet, I don't think it is enough. Aside from the part where the woman was crying about her debts Jamie did nothing to try and comprehend the real financial strain these people are under. Not just that, but time constraint. It's a real life problem and what the programme needs to do is focus on money, focus on the price of the food they are using and keep going for simpler, disgustingly simple ways to cook decent hearty food. I don't know the answer, if it was up to me I'd give them a slab of mackerel (ready to eat), a few fillets are less than £2 in Tesco but then that's not something kids would enjoy and goodness knows is probably still too expensive. How Jamie got them to buy salmon I don't know. He really should have been giving them something cheaper like Rainbow Trout to cook with. Even I don't buy salmon and I'm a big fan.

It's still brushing over it really, this is not the social food revolution, this is not the working class struggle. They were showing the good a little more than the bad, and no doubt they'll continue to show the good but then when the show is over it will all go back to normal. I just don't think it has the depth it ought to have.

I also think it could do a lot to show the rest of the working class - the immigrant class. The great majority of Jamie's pupils were white, partially because it was in Rotherham but partially, I think because there is a very different culture in many of our immigrant communities in this country. Whether working or middle class the relational culture is hugely related to food, having dinner together, cooking decent meals and passing that recipe on. Why is it such a white British issue? Why is the family so prevalent in other cultures but not the white British culture? Or at least not anymore.

I've been learning about individualist capitalist societies in the West in relation to relational Eastern ones; they are the growing success, they are emerging out of the economic crisis. Is that individualism part of every aspect of this culture? Including food and meal times? That's a scary thought, that even family has lost out to capitalism and its greed.

The Family

No self respecting tv-lover should have missed Wednesday night's 'The Family' a fascinating fly-on-the-wall look at the everyday life of a British family. A documentary once made, one revolutionary has been reborn in an age of cheap, desperate reality television.

Saying that, I nearly missed it, I was luckily because I came home to see it being repeated later the same evening. I was however, a little bit tipsy and though I had many a comment in my head that night, two days later it's gone.

'Why don't you 4OD it and then bother us with your thoughts' I hear you cry. Well, I can't be arsed so I'll try and piece whatever memory I have of the show and my thoughts on it together, excruciatingly.

Firstly, I remember being quite fascinated by the way they really looked like a family. I mean, they all looked alike. I found that incredible, that on our screens, on a daily basis we are faced with fake families and here they were, really, very real. It struck me and I realised just what this show was capable of: reality.

The focus was the mother's looming birthday and the eldest daughter's total irresponsibility. It was a classic scenario where the mother feels unappreciated, she feels old and disconnected, her daughter doesn't want to be around her and the rest. It reflected my own experiences in a lot of ways, in spite of the situation being completely different. No doubt I'd imagine everyone could relate and reflect each in their own special way.

My personal alliance lied with the younger siblings, the young boy who remained quiet, doing everything to please, trying to be nice but getting it thrown back in his face. It's trouble being the young one, the quiet sensible one. You get lumbered with the suspicion when you're older because your sibling lied and argued and shouted, but all the while you're honest and try to keep on the good side, not wanting to rebel. That's how I saw the boy, the way he didn't even know what to do with himself a lot of the time, quiet...silenced.

I liked it because I'm a voyeur but also because I'm human. Seeing the utterly, abysmally normal is quite satisfying. Seeing successes and failures and seeing the poignant moments where daughter and mother reconcile like the good friends they know they are inside. I feel like the family agreed to do it because they know it's not embarrassing really. They're aware that everyone in every average family will be able to read what's going on perfectly, no judgements, just sympathy.

I do wonder what happened (no, I haven't tried to research it), did they nominate themselves? Were they found for being statistically average? (wasn't that a Simpsons episode? Or Family Guy or something?). How did they agree? Did anyone kick up a fuss or did the media-whore in them get the better of them?

Then, saying that, I don't feel like that fame criticism is there, I'm not sure why but there's something else to it, perhaps the true reality aspect which nulls the whole celebrity hunger bullshit. Maybe they just saw it as important.

Is it important? Is it important for us to watch a family as they plod through their days, struggling at parenthood, struggling with adolescence, struggling with the very essence of the everyday? What does it achieve? I know I (drunkenly) felt some affection towards them through my empathy. But do we need it on our screens? And is it still revolutionary now?

I suppose it could be, because it reverts to the simple and it reminds us of what is missing, if we must be so obsessed with the reality format, then we should return to this level, the Big Brother Series 1 approach of shove some people in a a house, let them read if they want to and don't play stupid tricks on them all the time. It just brings us back to a question of purpose for television; public service or commercial. What do people needs vs what do people want?

I have no answers really, but I'll certainly keep watching, maybe I'll start to figure it out.

When Women Rule the World

What an absolute pile of shit. I've never been so utterly abhorred by a piece of programming. I like trash telly, trash telly is why I started this blog, but this is appalling. I just can't get to grips with the concept; I can't see what the idea was derived from; I can't envision a producer's desired outcome. I watched it because my flatmates told me how awful it was and I wanted to see for myself. I watched it because I couldn't begin to believe that there was no comedy in it. I can only relay, just like my flatmates did to me before, that there is no comedy, no irony, nothing.

'When Women Rule the World' is an attempt at creating a tribal 'society' on an exotic island where ten women get to tell a number of men what to do. Each woman has their own servant, she their mistress. They tend to her needs, apparently, though you see little of anything except mindless bickering and inconsequential revolts from a hand-picked bunch of prize buffoons.

It is absolutely not a sociological gender-role swapping experiment, I'm sure if it was it would be prime time Channel 4 because they like messing with things like that. I'm not sure it claims to be that anyway, but then I'm really not sure what it's doing, it's certainly not funny, a point I can't help but reiterate. It doesn't seem to want to represent any one gender as 'better' but rather depicts a whole bunch of idiots who have obviously got nothing better to do than run around in hardly any clothes. Shipwrecked does it too but at least they don't assume intelligence, they know we know they're stupid. These people perhaps, do not. No gender is winning any popularity contest by being in this show. The women at times go on a ridiculous power trip, demanding all sorts of pointless things and claim the men are condescending them, taking it all rather too seriously. Whilst the men get way too macho way too often and try to play practical jokes and talk about whether or not they'd want to sleep with any of the women, and also take it all rather too seriously.

The only hint at favouritism comes from an otherwise unnecessary Steve Jones, his pointless unfunny narration tries to play with gender stereotypes but really doesn't try very hard and fails, big time. In fact, it makes the entire programme much less funny than it previously was, which was not funny at all. He occasionally has a manly chat with the men, laughing and joking about the situation with the women and here he shows where his loyalty lies.

The 'sacrifice' is probably the most ludicrous part of the whole thing only because it is so ridiculous it merely epitomises the show in its entirety as an enormous pile of vile stinking, I-must-smash-everyone-involved-in-the-making-of-this-show, faeces. In this 'sacrifice' each woman gets to say her piece and nominate one of the men, this week Mikey an irritating young Liverpudlian with irritating blonde hair swept back with an irritating piece of elastic, lead the boys in a practical joke involving conditioner and condoms. What made him and it more irritating was that he was completely unsuccessful because one of the women went to bed before he could begin planting the seeds, so to speak. The other man on the chopping block was Steve, a muscular type who ensured the men got the booze they deserved, completely breaking the rules made by the women. The woman pick their sacrifice by slapping some paint on their chest, all tribal like, then the queen ultimately decides. In the end one of the blokes wins £30,000, I'm not really sure what for though.

I didn't give a shit who was going, I didn't give a shit because I didn't particularly want to watch the fucking piece of arse so far in, it lasts a whole hour! But I did, because I realised that I had to watch it all before I could really post a full and frank review.

If you want to know, Steve was shipped out, as declared by the idiot queen even though most nominations pointed towards Mikey.

Really though if I were you, I wouldn't go near it, I wouldn't give it enough time to get angry about it, it's not worth it. It is completely absurd, everyone is stupid and it just goes to show the complete idiocy of humankind, and by this I refer not just to the bunch of used nappies on the show, but also to writers, producers, September films or whatever the production company is and every other fucking tosspot who allowed it to be aired.

I'm all for jokes, I'm all for playing around and taking the piss out of gender stereotyping, I'm all for total irony for the sake of total trash television, but this? What the fuck was this? It does nothing, everyone takes the whole thing too seriously and now I'm left completely unable to laugh at it. I was hoping the 'writer' Richard would at least have a bit of sense but instead, he tried to be the big clever one and absolutely failed to start a strike and started talking about Animal Farm at the women, proclaiming along the way that they probably won't have read it. NEITHER HAVE I, WHO CARES? YOU'RE AN IDIOT FOR BEING THERE. If you were intelligent then you would leave. Simple.

The worst part it, I can feel myself watching it again, for want of something better to do, and getting angry all over again. If I do, I hope things start to get funny, maybe that's just the nature of the show? It takes time to get the irony? No? I didn't think so either.

Letter to Gok Wan

This isn't by any means a feminist and the media blog (though that would be an interesting idea...). However, sometimes Gok drives me to it.

I must begin by saying: I love 'How to Look Good Naked' I think that show began at a time when makeover programmes were taking up too much screen time and rather than being a harmless bit of chat show fun (the makeover episodes of old chat shows were always my favourite; either that or ones involving lie detector tests - obviously), they often if not always involve some level of surgery.

Plastic surgery should never be encouraged in this way, it should also never ever be advertised. I think the Harley Medical Group are seriously breaching advertising standards by doing so. Those 'before and after' style ads on the tube displaying an unhappy woman with small breasts and a happier version with bigger ones, are an absolute outrage and surely a violation. I hope that I haven't seen them in a while because people complained and not because they succeeded.

Anyway, I digress, this isn't a complaint about ads for plastic surgery here, this is about Gok's very noble mission of making women feel much much better about themselves without '10 years younger' or the 'help' of that god awful blonde woman whose mission in life is surely the absolute opposite.

The first series really said something and it continues to do so in challenging ways. Yet, he does still very much look towards and adhere to the conventions of fashion and beauty. For example, if a white woman is looking a little pasty he has to slap on the fake tan before she bares all. Though there is often an element of natural beauty in their make up, I think quite often he makes them feel a million dollars at a price. It's the hair, the make up, the fake tan and the waxing. It's not true beauty, it's not a simple procedure. These women feel incredible because they've been pampered and though that's not entirely a bad thing, it removes the show from what ought to be its essence.

'How to Look Good Naked' should, I think, translate as 'How to Feel Good in Your Own Skin', you might look at yourself, look at the photo and see not your everyday self, but a special moment where you were made to feel particularly beautiful. You might not fully come beyond that, you might not have that spring in your step for long. After being given one or two outfits and a session with celebrity stylists and beauty experts, everyday you just isn't going to compare.

What really would be revolutionary is a 'How to Look Good Naked - Naturally' but is that possible? Will people look good naked naturally? Their skin won't have had the exfoliating treatment, the unwanted hair will go unremoved. The whole thing makes me wonder and consider that it probably is a short term feeling. I want to be told that everyone looks good without surgery and without all that other stuff. I want to be told that whatever your skin colour - it is beautiful, however you make yourself look everyday - that is beautiful. Perhaps with some small adjustments and enhancements but simple ones, the sorts of things you can and would do everyday, rather than getting the beauty brigade out.

I think the consumer tests are great, the women parading around in their underwear a la the 'Dove' adverts but the crux of it is, the show doesn't go far enough away from convention and it doesn't tell everyone they are beautiful nearly as well as it should do. Ultimately, I don't see prime time television going far enough, presenting people as they ought to be presented and celebrating it, truly giving them their worth.

The Inbetweeners

I probably should have written about this show after I watched the first two episodes on 4OD, however, I didn't get around to it because I was busy watching the complete 4 series' of peep show, all of Spaced and a bit of series 2 of IT crowd. (Internet telly is great - maybe one day I'll do a post dedicated to it)

Anyway, I'm here now ready to stand proudly and say it is brilliant. I don't know whether it is underrated, or is not being talked about or whether the great majority of my friends really are not television watchers. Yet, it feels a little like it's not being given it's worth (perhaps I should check if ole Brooker has mentioned it, I hope so). It's a simple situation and perfectly appropriate for comedy, a boy (Will) from a boarding/private school being forced to begin his sixth form at a comprehensive. It's a little like watching 'Mark Corrigan - The Early Years', in fact Mark did first attend private school before being forced into a comprehensive.

Will has to find some friends and manages through cunning to attach himself to a group, he hardly aimed high, merely a step above the rest of the new kids. He uses all his charm to buy the group drinks and make them like him but every attempt fails miserably. He solves problems in bizarre ways and has a severe case of saying without thinking resulting, once more in hilarious consequences.

It doesn't really have the gags or the one-liners. It's not a show for quoting. However, the four main boys are all excellent at depicting idiotic teenage boys finding themselves in situations that are just at the right level beyond normality. They say the things aloud, that people only think and their complete incompetence in being even slightly adventurous or rebellious is most satisfying. It's the show Stuart Lee was asking for when he talked about 'Skins' on Charlie Brooker's 'Screenwipe'. He wanted insecurity, he wanted hormones and embarrassment, he wanted the reality of teenhood and I think it is quite clearly being presented here.

It's easily a teen-based comedy on a par with all the best adult ones, the aforementioned Peep Show quite definitely the most obvious example. I can only imagine that the more you watch it the more you get out of the characters and the more you love them, but I'm frankly craving more as I write. I could easily watch the first three episodes again, in a row, right now.

An unexpected treasure, most certainly.

The Human Spider...

....just reminds me of the hairdresser off the salon who went on to be in the Tresemme adverts.

It's hard to take this seriously.

Strictly Baby Ballroom

I was watching This Morning one morning (incidentally, not this one) when the second-class Paul Ross was discussing this week's television. In between recommendations of every ITV programme that was one he mentioning this evening's 'Cutting Edge' documentary on Channel 4. They've been advertising it a fair bit and I wasn't really sure what to make it. On 'This Morning' Fern was quite vocal about how appalling she found it, ready to boycott it and tell a nation that adores her to do the same.

I have to say, within the first few frames I was shocked. It wasn't just the kids fighting, it was the parents. within the first few minutes there was a young girl crying and crying; whether it was because she hated fighting or because she was losing remained to be seen. Allegedly, she still wanted to fight. In a talking head situation the father said he offered her ballet dancing or disco dancing lessons instead. I wonder, if he did really offer these things she might have refused on the grounds that she'd probably never heard of 'disco dancing' anyway.

It soon took the focus off the one girl and gave all its attention to three fighting champs: Thai, named after the sport by his psycho parents, Connor whose 10-year old voice had a creepily strong East London accent which frightens my Middle Class self to the core because it screams: VIOLENCE! GANGS! DRUGS! Of course, violence was exactly it, he talked about he fights all the time, how he loves to fight and his mother would intentionally get him worked up to fight by saying certain kids had called him names behind his back. She told the camera this, cackling evilly, happy that she's very likely to be bringing up a sociopath.

Of course, this documentary did nothing but present the situation, 10-years olds fighting in rings, sometimes in cages, working out constantly and having their parents shouting, yelling at them to fight properly, do a fake kick, throw him etc etc. They would get extremely angry, there would be pressure on them if they weren't performing between rounds. They presented it purely at face value, yet, this week boxing happened to be given an incredibly positive approach in the London news this week.

Frank Bruno has opened up the first boxing academy, designed to give kids who leave school at 16 a fighting (ba dum bum) chance at getting more out of their adult life. It showed Bruno's dedication to getting kids doing something positive with their lives and the kids getting so much out of it. Fighting in that way, it is argued, promotes discipline, motivation and gets them working towards something that they truly care about.

The question is, how beneficial is hardcore fighting to young children, how much does it really teach them if they are being groomed into thinking, living and being Thai Boxing. Kids should be out and about they should be playing and enjoying different activities. They should be learning and developing through communication with other kids not squaring up to them with hundreds of people screaming around them, being forced to throw punches and kicks.

It was disturbing, and I do believe it was not unbalanced, because there were moments when the kids were sensitive about their fighting careers, but there too were those points where they would talk at length about the money they were to make. Little Connor in his flat cap and earring talking about his Bentley's and his 10 million pound house. Wearing a hat so symbolic of an older man was a signifier into what his parents and coaches had created. He thinks he's bigger than he is, he thinks he's indestructible when he deserves to be a 10-year old. It didn't go into details of whether these kids get into fights at school, whether they're disruptive in the classroom and are just waiting to get out. It's very possible that's not the case, that they have learned discipline and respect but I do think that so much, so you could be massive detrimental to their development.

Cape Wrath

It appears that there is a bit of a surge of new dramas on our television screens, the new one on More 4 with Chandler out of Friends will be starting soon, everyone's been harping on about 'Dexter' with Michael C Hall as a charming likeable serial killer (I'm hoping for an everyday television version of Chopper) and tonight (after Big Brother) began 'Cape Wrath'.

I was intrigued mainly because this has got to be one of the most interesting situations to form a drama serial around: Take a creepily fake looking town and throw in a few misfits, families and individuals unable to live their daily lives as they had before, misfits who, for some reason or another, are placed under witness protection. In amongst these misfits are families, those caught in the crossfire of horrific violent crimes, alongside them are the criminals themselves, those who dish out the violence. The resulting drama is, if it's successful a thrilling and at times squeamish sequence of events, one which I am hugely looking forward to obsessing over.

I didn't pay my full attention this evening I must admit, but I did see the climactic event on which I can only assume much of the series, or at least the next episode will be based around. It was gruesome, bite-into-your-cushion-or-nearby-friend's-shoulder terrifying, in between the rape and the blood and the bizarre psychological suffering of the young (emo) boy it's an admirable and enticing piece of programming which channel 4 have done very well to pick up. It's exciting when they bring us British drama; where the US dole out the somewhat over-the-top 'Desperate Housewives' and the frankly overrated and utterly confusing 'Lost' (I never got it and I never want to get it) it's great to see the Brits bring real monsterous bite. It's' neither cheap nor overdone, it's dark and it reminds me in part of 'Funland' which has got to be another of our home-grown masterpieces. What impresses me most is it is starkly different from anything that is currently flashing on and off our screens and as long as the characters grow and develop as well as I am hoping they do this could be the thing I come home on a Tuesday for.

Big Brother Comment v2.0

I keep losing my way, Big Brother is getting away from me this year and it's painful. A fellow BB fan felt the same, she didn't think it was as good as previous years, but I'd actually be willing to give this year a chance. I'd like to see Big Brother getting cheeky again, I'd like to see some more classic Diary Room moments of which I don't think have been since since 2005, or even 2004. I mean obviously we haven't got Victor's excellent monologues, Nadia's nicotine neediness or even god help us, Antony's inebriated come-ons when one of the Big Brother ladies was on the other side.

However, last week excited me, extraordinarily so, when they put Jonathon in, the boat well and truly got rocked. A 49 year-old self-made millionaire is going to have something to say in that house, he's going to command and he's going to bother people. Predictably, that's exactly what happened and no more than two full days after his arrival, there was no exceptions for nominations, the house spoke and Jonathon was too much to handle. They've got Mummy and Daddy in he and Carole and the kids want the nest to themselves. Admittedly, I missed tonight's show but in desperation to keep up to date I checked the website, Seany has been evicted. I'm pleased that Mum and Dad remain, Carole's cracking to quite dramatic proportions. She's evidently despising every minute of her time in the house and is nothing of the lively, liberal lady that bounded in a few weeks ago.

I look forward to seeing Jonathon be more controlling, patronising and somewhat disturbing over the week. He has to be interesting, he has to give us something, because he's one of the most unexpected characters to enter, especially this year when everyone is evidently there for a reason.

I think this year has subtlety on it's side, where the girls at first appeared to be the same person, you realised they weren't, but some seem to be regressing to what you didn't think they could ever be (see Nicky and the interesting dress-off over Liam last night). People have been pleased she's smiling some more but frankly I prefer her moody. I see a little of myself in her and I know that if it was't for the cameras I would do Big Brother in a second. It seems to me that she was curious to know what it would be like, she's intelligent and interesting and creepily that's something Jonathon often likes to vocalise. But, I can understand why, because she is. I'd like to think Liam sees more in her than that ridiculous sharade. He certainly sees right through Charley and I was in fits after he hi-fived Seany for plunging her into the pool.

I think potentially, this could continue to be a year for getting to know people, getting right under their skin with much less bullshit than previous years, less of the irritatingly loud individuals and school-playground style cliques and more of what Big Brother is ultimately about. I'm just waiting until they pull some more tricks and twists out of the bag because frankly Wednesday's was a little too simple and pleasant, no one had to sweat for that and no one has suffered any blows.

Embarassing Illnesses

I have a confession to make; I couldn't handle it.

All week I saw the adverts for Channel 4's 'Embarassing Illnesses' a new programme about a clinic whereby people unafraid to step up and recognise that they've got piles, or dodgy nipples or whatever else can find treatment, safely, unashamedly and on prime time terrestrial television.

This excited me, my little antenna of curiosity had been tingling since Tuesday's 'Virgin School'; the one where a 26 yr old virign actually lost it, on television and I just wanted more. More outlandish attempts at uncovering the hidden voyeur inside us all. This had to be it I thought to myself, this had to be the ultimate series, loads of different people every week, coming in with more and more fucked up, disgusting, bizarre bodily issues.

I missed the beginning but I sat, and watched and saw the girl with the inward nipples. That's alright I thought, she's okay with it, she'd rather breast feed her baby than bother with this nipple issue. That's nice, comforting almost...but then I saw the man with the piles...

Oh no...oh no no no.

Those pictures, those awful unbearable photographs displaying the painfully stomach-churning vomit-inducing images of arseholes, of hemorrhoids...I can safely say I had no idea what they looked like and now I know and it's etched into my brain and it feels like it's itching and bleeding like those puss-ridden balloons...

That's all I saw, that's all I wanted to see, in fact, I left the television well alone after that, well well alone.